For years, women have been plucking, shaving, waxing, and bleaching their body hair. It seems the only good woman is a totally hairless woman. However, much like felines, the more hairless the woman, the less attractive we appear to the opposite sex. Why is that, you may be asking yourself? Well, darling, it’s because of pheromones.
“Pheromones? Isn’t that something that bees do?” Not quite, babycakes, but stick with us, and we’re going to give you a quick lesson.
OK, So What Are Pheromones?
Pheromones are what your body secretes in your sweat, saliva, and urine that stimulate sexual arousal and desire in the opposite sex. It’s just like in the animal kingdom, so if you’ve ever seen the reaction of a male canine when a female dog goes into heat, you understand the role that pheromones play when it comes to the opposite sex. People who produce elevated levels of pheromones are proven to have sexual activity more often, feel more confident about themselves (likely from getting laid all the damned time), and draw more attention in general from the opposite sex.
So what does that have to do with the hairless woman we were discussing above? A whole hell of a lot. Pubic hair and armpit hair are what helps us hold our pheromones instead of letting them be whisked away. Once the sweat is removed, odorless pheromones are what remains in a woman’s armpit hair. The hair helps to hold onto those pheromones so that they’re in place, working hard to find your next partner for you. Smelly pheromones are why some people associate a woman with hairy armpits as being dirty or gross. Any armpit will stink if you do not wash the sweat away, whether it has hair or not. Women with hairy armpits are visually distinguishable when they lift their arms, so people apply a stereotype. Yes, technically a woman with hairy armpits “could” get stinky faster than a woman who shaves because the hairs offer more surface area for bacteria, but that still does not mean that hairy women are smelly.
Well, Why In The Hell Did We Start Shaving?
Actually, it’s been traced back to religious reasons, when both women and men plucked their hair (damn, ouch) for religious piety. Now, though, it is only the woman who is expected to continue ripping out her hair follicles, and not for martyrdom this time around. It is now merely an aesthetic practice. It was once believed that removing one’s body hair was an act of cleanliness and necessity. However, we now know that having pubic or underarm hair isn’t a dirty practice, as long as the human that has the hair knows how to bathe properly. Unlike in the Dark Ages, we actually have showers and loofahs now, so it’s really not a problem, as of late anyway.
To leave your pheromones intact if you are one of the hairless ladies, bathe in hot water without the use of soap, as long as there isn’t any highly offensive odor already happening. If you smell a pair of sweaty gym shorts left in a sealed plastic bag for a week, by all means, girl, we’re going to need you to lather up. Twice.
So, Hook A Homegirl Up With Those Pheromones
All right, so now that you’ve gotten the details on the role that pheromones play in your dating life, or lack thereof, you want to know how you can jack up those pheromone levels. We understand; it’s precisely why we did the research. First, exercise. Not just sporadically, regular exercise. Exercising regularly releases your body’s toxins by producing sweat. Sweat is a great medium to get those pheromones front and center on your skin to be inhaled by your next potential Prince Charming.
You can also increase your pheromone count by taking 30 to 45 milligrams of zinc every day. If you find that your daily multivitamin has this quantity of zinc or more in it, cool, your Flintstones chewables are already serving as your wingman in this arena. As we mentioned earlier, don’t use soap in the bath. Instead, wash your body as your regularly would with only hot water. As long as you don’t smell like ass before the shower, it should cleanse you just fine.
How Do I Know My Pheromones Aren’t Duds?
Ok, so you know how a group of women who spend a lot of time together, such as roommates or office mates, end up having menstrual cycles that sync up together (which is the cruelest trick biology ever played)? Well, pheromones are responsible for that completely insane trick. We also smell the best naturally to the people who have a different genetically based immunity than we do. Nature’s way of ensuring that healthy babies are made is by giving the child the absolute maximum in immune protection from birth.
Conversely, when you meet someone, and you’re just immediately put off by the whole aura that they are emitting, that is most likely pheromones at play as well. That’s nature’s way of saying, “no, girl, he chews with his mouth open, just walk away,” and you naturally repel one another, most of the time, without even realizing why it’s happening. Unless he’s currently chewing with his mouth open, then it’s understood and seconded. However, this works in both directions. Too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing in terms of pheromones. It seems the line between turned on and angry is pretty close to one another when we’re appealing to each other’s animal instincts. If it is a time of the month when your pheromones are being extra crazy, it can repel members of the opposite sex that it usually draws to you.
Keep Your Hair, Keep Those Pheromones
So, in a nutshell, shaving those hairy armpits is actually removing nature’s way of helping you find a mate. When you shave your armpits, pubic hair, and legs, you’re removing the pheromone trap and allowing them to be whisked away into some faraway pheromone convention in the sky. If you want to increase your natural attraction to potential mates, and feel more confident in your own skin every day, try keeping your body hair and see what pheromones can do to get you coupled up. I mean, what are the chances that it is worse than online dating? I’m thinking slim to none, girl.